areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize
