He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
