I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
she peed on how many people?
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
