ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Randomize
