this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
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