i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
