dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Randomize
