You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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