Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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