He kissed a someone with a penis
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
