oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
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