Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Randomize
