I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
