we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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