im six kinds of drunk right now
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
she pinky promised me she was 18
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
