i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
