What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
