allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Randomize
