it's too hot outside to masturbate.
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
