im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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