I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
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