i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
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