Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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