So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
