im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Randomize
