Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
