i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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