Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Randomize
