My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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