her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
