I showed him my bush... on skype.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Randomize
