I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Randomize
