you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
Farmville is her only friend.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Randomize
