I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
