Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
All I want is dick and wine.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
