Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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