And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
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