I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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