yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
