are you still at the devil's house?
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
