tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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