I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Randomize
