I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
