If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize
