addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
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