the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Randomize
