I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
