She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
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