i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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