She said her name was "party"
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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