To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
