apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
